Monday, August 18, 2008

S'alls a bummer

I'd like to be really eloquent and say some really stunningly insightful and beautifully worded things right now but there's just a blank.
I biked to a place that use to employ me, borrowed a key from a friend, then biked to his shady neighborhood to use the computer because I was too impatient to wait around at the library for a 60 minute slot to open up to me. At least I got exercise?
I got hired at a new job today. It is an organic grocery store/ cafe and catering company. Local produce, local people, local trends. But it suits me better than smiling at shiny tied business men while they stare at my ass as I run to get them more diet for a five dollar tip and achy feet.
Perhaps if i am patient enough life will improve one day at a time. I have seven days to kill before I begin this new work. It will be more satisfying. I think i will have the opportunity to bake a lot. And I have many recipes that I've been inventing, I'd like to see how they go over with other people. Seven days. That's a lot of blank space to fill. At least at the yuppie restaurant I was so busy doing everyone else's work that I had limited time to think. Its like my brain automatically turned off. No thoughts - no emotions - no chances of fucking things up. It's like when I turn on the t.v. to fill time and stare at a false world that reaches me in the form of a dull buzzing and blurred tones of colors whos names I can't remember. At this point in time i don't cry. I don't think. I exist only in the small shaking of my hands or the darting of my eyes from object to cat to object in my small room. Blankness.
From the library I picked up six books. I will read them all. I have begun them all already. Then my brain will work but it will work in invented lives and my invented voices for them.

Tin Armour and Ghost Town Trio come into town tomorrow. I always enjoy the company of those from Ohio. I am still undecided about what in the hell I'm going to cook for them, but I have at least 15 hours to figure it out. Show on Wednesday and i'm excited, because it's been awhile and Luc worked hard pulling things together.
A set of opossums have taken a liking to my deck and the jungle of plants that give them hiding spots. I hope they wait for me to come home...

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