Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It's Christmas Eve. I have already fought both my sisters. One such incident involved me throwing a roll of tape at Tessie's head. It bounced off and broke so i was unsatisfied and they thought it was hilarious. I am kinda cranky but we made up for it by watching Jizz in my pants and laughing a lot. My father wants to grow a goatee. I think it's the lack of work days and desire to look "cool" combined. So off to grandmas house in a bit. I guess it looks like the gang will be meeting up for our annual Christmas Eve night Denny's pow-wow afterward. It's not like I don't see any of those guys basically everyday but we need at least a few hours away from the family even on Christmas Eve. It's great. We drink shitty coffee and share tales from our nights.

I baked many treats for Christmas but I am giving them all away.

Jacob and I took out 3rd annual Christmas photos this week. They will be posted somewhere on this great big Internet sometime soon.

Merry Christmas Jerks

Friday, December 19, 2008


man, the holidays are nuts.

those are some cupcakes I made for work.
... and me slicing some cheese I guess.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm adult

I guess I;m going to be a real live grown adult and do the responsible thing. Fuuuuuuuck. I wish I didn't give a shit, but I do. So I'm staying home instead of going on tour with godfodder. Too many bills, too many sick and wormy cats, too many dizzy spells and nauseous moments to not pay up, to not visit vets, to not see a doctor. Yay responsibility! Maybe I will take another trip. Or maybe I'll just buy a new 2009 calendar. A neat one from left bank books that I've been wanting. Or I could afford to get that new tattoo I've been thinking about getting. No matter what, not spending 10 days on the east coast will be cheaper than calendars or tattoos. Ryan did promise me a good ole adventure when he gets back to make up for my loss.
Today is my sister's birthday. So we are going out to dinner. I am scared to think about what I might possibly be able to eat. probably end up with a salad. oh well. okay, i checked their menu online. Lots o deep fried vegetarian options. will do, no cheese.
I wanted to make more godfodder rap songs tonight, but I will be spending a delightful evening on the homestead.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


Lets celebrate the rape of women, the theft of land, spread of deadly disease, and gluttonous guts.

I'm actually having a smashing time with my family. Continuous laughter is something I adore.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Beeding Deacon

It was taco Tuesday! Minus the tacos.

I sent my boss an e-mail about being off work from the 5th until the 10th of December so I can go on tour with Godfodder to the East coast. I really want to go. I will miss the money I could be making but being broke happens and I can deal with that for a month. So cross my fingers.

I just need someone to watch my cats...

I am officially the cupcake lady for local harvest. Last month a woman even reviewed my cupcakes on her blog (nerd). :

These pretty carrot cake cupcakes are from Local Harvest Grocery on Morganford near Arsenal in St. Louis City. I had popped in to pick up some coffee, mainly, and Maddie mentioned that the cupcakes in the baked goods display were vegan! Well all righty then. These were moist and delicious, full of carrot flecks and an occasional dark chocolate chip. The frosting had the tangy taste that typical cream cheese frosting has. If you're vegan, let Maddie know the next time you shop there, and she'll keep you posted about the vegan options when you stop by. She can place special orders even for products they don't stock such as tempeh bacon. The store carries vegan products such as Desert Essence face wash as well. Truly, the store is an asset to the City.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

It's chilly out

Ryan and I went to Columbia last night. Tattoos were a bust, so we went to the hippie shop and checked things out and went to the liquor store for PBR forties. Ryan bought all of them. Oh St. Louis, we wouldn't go away and not bring back souvenirs.
Sam, Pat, and I worked on canning today. Cranberry jelly, pumpkin butter, garlic and rosemary pickles, applebutter, and spiced pears. It was a good lesson and my house got steamed up and I'll probably have a higher gas bill for it.
We are watching Rec tonight at Ryan's. Tessie is here. blah blah.

I;m starting Christmas presents soon and I just got some new cycling gear. FBC tomorrow night.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

i could be dead and the internet wouldn't know the difference!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

really busy. too many phone calls. so much planning.

Teenage Bottlerocket adventure maximum in Carbondale tomorrow. And I didn't even have to skip outta work!

I have a new head of hair that looks pretty rad. Tessie did a fine job.

Last night was the FBC fiasco. I think I probably rode at least 30 miles by the end of the night.

I finally booked the Film fest for Monday. It was a close call. now I have to convince these STL cheapskates to fork out 8 bucks for some really good shit.

alright, thats it.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Mom thinks I have diabetes

Diabetes? How on earth will I bake and then consume an entire batch of treats if I have diabetes? I think it's anemia. But last time I had my blood tested they told me I didn't. So who knows. I probably just need a break. I need one week of someone else calling the shots and me being completely content with it. Hiking? Camping? Sitting on someones porch or driving around? I don't care. I just want to relax.

My friend is writing a paper for college about young people reverting back to simplified living. She does not however, want to focus on the fact that it is so obviously a trend. She asked me why I think people currently crave less technology. Honestly I don't think people do. It's one more thing to buy and sit on a coffee table looking neat.
So here is what I think happened. A long time ago people lived in a really basic way. They had what they needed and not much more. This is because we didn't actually have the technology to become so consumed by consuming. So we started to advance in science and medicine and machines. Some people continued to hold onto their roots. They understood that they didn't need a bunch of stuff. These people, like farmers and the Amish and native Americans, passed on their values to their children.
We reach a little bit more modern day lifestyle and we have some hardcore environmentalists and some real animal lovers etc and they pick up on the idea that moderation is really best. They practice this where ever they live. Subcultures like "anarchists" etc. pick up on these ideas of staying in touch with nature, taking only what you need and giving back, making, with your own hands, what you need.. they take these values and twist them to meet their own needs. Business men see this happening. Business men see room for growth, room for profit and gradually create a trend. All of a sudden people miraculously realize that this earth can not sustain human life, and most likely no life, at the rate of destruction we are at. "green" becomes the biggest buzz word to hit this nation. People start buying. With all of this good for the earth minimalist ingredients i am simple marketing comes the hipster. Business men know to target young people with their trends. it works. So now we have a wave sweeping over the nation and kids are buying typewriters and buying handmade silk screened tee shirts with pictures of cassette tapes on them. They are buying fixed gear bicycles and loft apartments with hardly anything in them. Owning things that exemplify simplicity does not make you an earth conscious person. does not make you aware. does not mean you know minimization. Most people these days don't understand why minimal technology is important. plus, they use technology to buy their Henry David Thoreau books and their organic cotton bedsheets. I sit here using a computer(mind you I walked to the library to use it.). I have a cell phone in my bag. I understand that our advancement in technology is destroying this planet, and destroying us. It's a trend. That's all you can do to explain it. Sorry friend.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

It's been awhile

I have so very many things to say, and if I said them aloud it would sound more like screaming. It's all been heard before.

I've had so many conversations these past few days about the economy, about the presidential race, about how fucked things are. Can't say I'm surprised. Can't say that anything will change or help or be the "lesser evil", because it's all just stalling. the decline is going to be slow and painful, the people will vote to save whatever they can while they can, and while in the past (and even a little currently) I have very frighteningly looked forward to this, I also can't say I want the whole idiotic nation to go to shit at once. I need to procure some land first.

I am looking forward to gardening in an actual yard. and perhaps being able to compost etc, once I move!

Good Luck is playing here on the 17th. They played Berea fest and were really good. I honestly didn't want to like them because Ginger was in One Reason and they played at the skullfuckeree a couple years ago and everyone in that band was so rude because I made them vegan pancakes for dinner and they didn't like that or something. Despite that, I am still looking forward to seeing them.

The 23rd is Lemuria and that's pretty freaking cool. I think they are playing with Robert Blake? but I might be mistaken.

And on the 21st is Fucked Up. They put on a fucking incredible show last year. And godfodder is on this show for I believe their first show since Pat returns!

that is all.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I wish I had some Pie

So I think I'm recovering rather well from this little surgery of mine. I can't talk however, and swallowing water hurts.

I am proud of myself though, as far as whole foods go, I managed to eat almost an entire biscuit today. Hooray! The pain medicine they game me makes me vomit, so I am currently narcotics free.

Ben gave me an opportunity that makes my life look a hell of a lot better right now. Too bad I have to worry first about paying freaking laclede gas, ameren UE, cingular, etc. Never before have I felt so idiotic with finances. But I'll be a good tenet, I promise.

My family has been treating me really well with me not feeling so good. It's really nice that they are so willing to spend countless boring hours in my apartment with me while I drool and whimper.

All over the news people are freaking out about gas. "they're holding out on us!" a woman trills. Well people, you insist on constant drilling for oil, then nature blows your whole fucking operation down. Like I declared in the past - War on Mother Nature! We'll make magnetic ribbons for cars and everything.

I'm sitting here withing for foods I can't eat. Lasagna, blackberry pie, salt and vinegar chips, french toast. Even if I do get a bite it'll taste like blood and pus. haha de-lish.

enough griping for now.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Oh, and Ben, Y: The Last Man is fantastic. I'm waiting to borrow the next few books from John and Jenna. You should check it out.

Stagnation Changes.. a paradox?

A great period of both Stagnation and incredible financial and physical changes approach. It began last week, the climax arrives Friday, and it all just mellows into the same old shit sometime after that. Can't say I'm happy about all this. It's very difficult to feel the force of an unforeseeable future push you to make permanent decisions in life.

At least I still enjoy my new job. Although I haven't had a day off in a while. I'm becoming an excellent cook, and surprising myself with my own inventiveness when it comes to rotting vegetables. However as my skill in producing mass quantities of yummy grub increases my skill with a knife decreases. I cut two fingers at the same time today and went clear through the nail on one. All these band aids and I'm starting to look like a modern day mummy. Or a little kid ... all I need are grass stains on the knees. Also, I have been commissioned by John to bake a few things for the Royale. That's pretty cool I guess.

I am being forced to sign a six month lease with my landlord. I guess there isn't really any force involved, just a lack of options. Tessie has decided that most every apartment we looked at is too expensive at this point. Unless it's affordable enough for one person, then split in two, she can't do it. So I will stay in my lousy little tenement of a home until March. I also fought with Laclede Gas today. They are thieves. It's unbelievable. Budget billing and a 95 dollar gas bill from "winter usage" when I didn't have heat until January. Bullshit. So now I've quit the budget billing and owe 198.30 by the 26th. Some day I will have a lovely little home with a pot bellied stove for burning wood and heating my home. In some ancient cultures it was very common to build stone into the floors immediately surrounding the fire to heat the floor. I think that's what I will do. So eat that Laclede Gas.

"I had tampered with the mystery of existence and I had lost the sense of my own being."
I started reading Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin.

I have a lot of things that I'd like to write about but the public library only allows 60 minutes per person per session.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Oh Humanity

I am sick and tired of humans. The end.

No, but seriously, how can one species manage to be so incredibly dim witted, and fuck up so often when they haven't even been around very long?

Let's start with politics. Today the news told me that Barack Obama will be speaking in a stadium that holds 76, 000 people. If 76, 000 people were to show up, that's 76,000 people who are delusional enough to think that their vote counts, to think that driving the speed limit at all times is going to save enough gas to keep this civilization afloat, people who think one black man can change the world (and sure, I am all for diversity in this godforsaken government, but there were plenty of black men and women before Mr. Obama that only scratched the surface, as a whole, the world thrives on racism...) 76,000 people for the more liberal vote. jesus imagine how many are on the other side? I'm sick of this.

Children. Another thing the news told me today was that children can't only play with electronic toys for the rest of their development. And may I say duh? Everything, which we all know by now, is run by money. Parents give birth to kids and from the time momma pops em out, the majority of parents spend the rest of their lives worrying about their kid's college funds or some such nonsense. So big manufacturers make smarty pants toys. Electronic books that talk and make noise while your toddler looks at pictures, miniature laptop computers with word games and numbers and puzzles, they have video games that mom says "finish playing before you have your dinner!", there are computer games, dvd's, fake cell phones. Getting little Timmy ready for college was no problem, we started when he was in utero. These parents plop their kid down in front of some cancer causing toy and convince themselves that their kids will be smarter than the rest because they have the best educational recreation on the block, meanwhile mom finishes her three way call business meeting then uses her elliptical trainer, while dad can stay late at the office. These kids get to have leap frog, fisher price, and the discovery channel kicking out microchip after microchip of fun education to babysit your little pookie. These kids have worst allergies than ever and are fatter than ever too.
What ever happened to playing out in the yard? I'm smart as hell and I spent a huge portion of my childhood munching on dried leaves and hitting the tree in our front yard with a wiffleball bat. But seriously, when we were young everyone met up in someones back yard and decided on a game. Then all the kids would play until it got dark. When I had to stay in my own yard we played spaceship, witches, cooks, prairie times, and dogs. We rode our bikes around the neighborhood, played in the woods, and made a scarecrow every autumn.
It sickens me that parents need to be told that their kids will only benefit certain ways from all these technologically advanced "games". Like sure, they'll have extensive vocabularies, good computer skills, and be ahead of the game come first grade, but they'll also lack any social skills necessary to make a healthy human being. sucks for this generation.

Lastly I'd like to rant about humans butting into nature's course (as always) and our need to control all living things. National Geographic is a great read for me. I learn a little more about things I already knew, I learn completely new things, and on top of that I get to look at incredibly photography. Elephants. I learned long ago that elephants are deeply emotionally advanced creatures who have very complex relationships with one another. There has been an ongoing battle to protect elephants from poachers who seek their ivory tusks. But now, even wildlife management and elephant protection groups are considering re-allowing culling of elephants. This is where they go into an area where the elephant population is becoming too large and they seek out families of elephants to murder. Usually this is done by a team flying over the family and first shooting the matriarch on the group straight through the top of her head and killing her, then picking off her calves and any other adult females. (sometimes the culled elephants are taken to factories where they are turned into canned and dried meats, of course after their tusks have been stolen) Now why would anyone do this to such sensitive and amazing creatures, let alone ones that have been struggling to stay protected for so long? They answer is that some conservationists in these areas claim that there is not enough biodiversity. That the elephants are wreaking havoc on the landscape, therefore making it hard for some other species to find adequate food and shelter.
Every week I go to a place where I help repair injured birds and then re-release them. I am trying to ensure the survival of species who humans have done much damage to. The ones that are too weak, we let nature have her way with. We try not to harm what is natural any more than it has been. But these measures are extreme. If you want to be that in control of non human animal populations, it's called a zoo. And the animals are better off dying of dehydration than being shot in the tops of their heads. To make even more human like, they are waiting to begin culling again , after it's been banned since '95, until after the soccer championships are held in Africa to keep their hands clean before a monetary event takes place.

I hate us.

I've been reading a lot of comics. John lent me the first two books of Y: The Last Man. It's pretty crazy and I find myself periodically siding with the amazons :

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I have no longer been using this as a place to rant about all of society's ills and the collapse of everything we know and feminism. I keep whining. But how can I not?
There is a gross condom on my night stand. It's in its tiny plastic package tucked under a book or something. Why it is still in my possession is puzzling to me too, and why I haven't thrown it out is also a question I have yet to answer. But it made me think of something that happened at my old high school. My cousin is a freshman this year. He is a polite, respectful kid with a fantastic sense of adventure. Two kids in his class were caught having sex in the locker room. They taped it, took photos, and through the miracle of technology, forwarded it to all of their friends via cell phone. It makes me sick. I actually felt my stomach churn last night when my mother told me about it. My aunt had the good sense to block him from receiving pictures or video when he first got his phone. He is not suspended. But those kids don't realize how unprepared they were for that. I'm not prepared for something like that. That shit happens everywhere, I just forget that it does.

"Any meaning is better than none. Ask any catholic, or Methodist or Hutterite or Hmong. You believe in a god, who, in his exquisite loneliness, created the universe and little you. Or you believe that we, in our terrifying loneliness, created god. Doesn't matter which. Ask any Vietnamese child kneeling in the mud, praying, chocking on her tears, feeling the hot muzzle of an m16 at the nape of her neck, hearing the screams of her grandparents, inhaling the sting of smoke and cordite, knowing that the soldier behind you, dear, is going to make his own meaning by firing a burst of bullets through your head. At that moment there is no arrow of time for you, there is no there, no then. There is only singularity, this Planck instant, this big bang, At that moment you are borrowing energy against time and shaping your brief life into a quantum of meaning."

I hope that with age I can become more like my mother in spirit. She is wise, and kooky, and free in voice. Years ago my friends and I put some plastic furby toys from a dumpster into my mother's garden. Yesterday I picked a fallen miniature toy up and set it right side out. "I can't believe these are still here." I say. "We have a furby infestation." she points out. We go to big land and walk through the store, she kicking misplaced and abandoned things out of her way, making faces at people who cut her off. 'Watch out! Vicky is here!' My mother sends me text messages just saying, simply, "I love you." because she does and she knows I need it. If I'm sad and we can only communicate my phone, she tells me to get a friend to give me a hug, because she wants to but can't. I have come to realize over the past month that I live, continuously, for my mother. There is a scrolling list in my head at all the reasons a person may no longer wish to use up this planet's stale air. And my top reason on list two is my mother. She has lost a sister and her baby in a car accident, a mother to mystery lungs, and a grandmother to age. Along with the others who come and go. She has given up a kidney to an adopted second cousin, given up art classes for her daughter's art school. She is a strong presence in the face of grief, a gentle friend for quiet days, and an outrageous lady with tons of energy, creativity, and laughter. I will go on as strongly as I can if for no other reason then my mother.

Everyone has ditched me so i go quietly into Ryan's apartment one last time to use the computer. I have baked banana bread, cleaned my ceiling fan, taken a walk, and I still feel restless. I need to hang out with someone who will make me feel valued. That's not a hard thing to do for a friend is it?
I start my new job Tuesday. I am excited to be in a place that suits me. Meeting new people, potential friends. And to feel useful again.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Ball Busta

I've had a lot of time on my hands lately.
Yesterday the urban homesteader that I am came out full force in the face of boredom. I pickled cucumbers from my garden, worked on some art projects, and sewed a back patch onto a jacket. I also found enough time to make some creepy cat toys for my sister's cats.

I also baked a spice cake with currents and cinnamon glaze. The picture looks like poop but it tasted very ginger bready and was just the right texture:

Later I went to a girl's rap party and laid down some verses with Ashley and Beth. I am officially Ball Busta, aka lil hot pot. Our song debuts at The atomic cowboy tomorrow night. It was pretty hilarious. I am a little hooked right now and keep writing more lines to use later on.

My mother, sister, and I just got done at big land. Big people pushing big carts, buying big, in bulk chips and sodas. Golly what a day!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Humid and Rainy...

Disappointment wakes me up.
"I made breakfast."
I look down to see a big steamy bowl of bad luck, sprinkled with brown sugar just the way I like it. And he made toast! Buttered with loss of self worth. Next to it is a tall glass of angst, and to top it all off, my favorite pastry filled and bursting with grief.
"Damn disappointment, you really outdid yourself this time!"
"Well, breakfast is the most important meal of the day..."
"You know just what every girl needs."

So I'm being a bit dramatic with the feelings. But that's how it has been. Things aren't actually that bad at the moment.
My friends were in from Ohio. They are really kind and silly, smart, nerdy individuals who make me smile a lot. So I had fun. Their bands get better with every listen and I wish I could tell them just how much it means to me to have people I care about located all over this country, let alone people who are willing to come and have a good time with me. Plus I got my 5 minute at a time ego boosts with the silly flirting and chatting.

Saw a friend today. It's been quite a while. And it was fantastic to just pick up like it'd never been put down.

I picked the mystery vegetables today from my deck garden. They just recently became a mystery as the veggies ripened and did not turn the shade of green that I know to be zucchini. "How can they be cucumber when I planted two zucchini plants? impossible." I say to myself. But I pick it and I know deep down that it's cucumber. Some gardener I am..
So pickle making is in order here. And it'll be wonderful.

Bored and with full blown sweet tooth making my eyes ache, I have been baking baking baking. Plus it's cooler out. Current and dried plum scones three days ago, and brownies two days ago, I will bake some Kolache type pastry tonight. Also the festival of nations is this weekend so I fully intend to pig out on some international cuisine.

must bring comics to jacob, more bellyachin' later.

Monday, August 18, 2008

S'alls a bummer

I'd like to be really eloquent and say some really stunningly insightful and beautifully worded things right now but there's just a blank.
I biked to a place that use to employ me, borrowed a key from a friend, then biked to his shady neighborhood to use the computer because I was too impatient to wait around at the library for a 60 minute slot to open up to me. At least I got exercise?
I got hired at a new job today. It is an organic grocery store/ cafe and catering company. Local produce, local people, local trends. But it suits me better than smiling at shiny tied business men while they stare at my ass as I run to get them more diet for a five dollar tip and achy feet.
Perhaps if i am patient enough life will improve one day at a time. I have seven days to kill before I begin this new work. It will be more satisfying. I think i will have the opportunity to bake a lot. And I have many recipes that I've been inventing, I'd like to see how they go over with other people. Seven days. That's a lot of blank space to fill. At least at the yuppie restaurant I was so busy doing everyone else's work that I had limited time to think. Its like my brain automatically turned off. No thoughts - no emotions - no chances of fucking things up. It's like when I turn on the t.v. to fill time and stare at a false world that reaches me in the form of a dull buzzing and blurred tones of colors whos names I can't remember. At this point in time i don't cry. I don't think. I exist only in the small shaking of my hands or the darting of my eyes from object to cat to object in my small room. Blankness.
From the library I picked up six books. I will read them all. I have begun them all already. Then my brain will work but it will work in invented lives and my invented voices for them.

Tin Armour and Ghost Town Trio come into town tomorrow. I always enjoy the company of those from Ohio. I am still undecided about what in the hell I'm going to cook for them, but I have at least 15 hours to figure it out. Show on Wednesday and i'm excited, because it's been awhile and Luc worked hard pulling things together.
A set of opossums have taken a liking to my deck and the jungle of plants that give them hiding spots. I hope they wait for me to come home...

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Pranks Pranks Pranks

It all started when Tessie and I decided last night to watch a bunch of our old improved videos. Everything from Cops to sketch comedy to music videos. What a laugh. So we went over to Jacob's and ended up browsing YouTube. Luc then introduced us to a video prank done by improv everywhere. I am now hooked. They have tons of missions and just as much video footage of them. These people leading these missions are pretty talented. Take a look :

and so... nerdily enough I joined the group that rips off improv everywhere in St. Louis. They aren't really active though... oh well if they start to be I'm there.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I am saying yes

I am saying yes now. Yes to new things, to things that I want to do, haven't done, haven't thought of doing. As soon as I'm done being sick I'm going to continue. I might as well take this time when everything is topsy turvy and turn it semi-straight by letting myself at least feel free.
I will still look for a new job, but I might as well have fun in the mean time.
I am envious of Patrick's train trip westward. The camping the biking around beautiful Washington. But it will be so good for him I am proud for that.
I miss Pat as well. His Alaska adventure has been a long one. Maybe I will go with him next year.
It's easy to feel like everyone around me is moving and moving and changing and I'm standing still. But I'm learning to say yes to myself, and that's something.

My fist time looking at this site : ... a website dedicated to making clothing for people too lazy to make their own stencils.
Most days I can't help hating everyone.

I feel the need to go on a rant. So this is what I'll talk about : . I think there are a lot of ways that being a cyclist can be a form of personal protest. I am a cyclist and I feel that it does a lot for me personally. Riding around naked is an excuse to ride around naked. It's not a way to protest global dependence on oil. Plus do these people really think that riding their bikes once a year is going to stop our oil addicted, self centered culture from getting its fix? to top it all off, most people were not naked. The girls who organized the ride (two girls from Wash-U who are probably majoring in humanities or some liberal art bullshit) said on the news "we will not be nude because we want to comply with the police". To protest is to go against the system that oppresses you. They create rules to get you to comply to keep you from actually making a point. If you're following their rules, then you've given them the power. Dumb idiots.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I hate rich kids.

East and West#79
Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization
We’ve reached a point in our civilization where counterculture has mutated into a self-obsessed aesthetic vacuum. So while hipsterdom is the end product of all prior countercultures, it’s been stripped of its subversion and originality.
Douglas Haddow
29 Jul 2008
1 comment
"I‘m sipping a scummy pint of cloudy beer in the back of a trendy dive bar turned nightclub in the heart of the city’s heroin district. In front of me stand a gang of hippiesh grunge-punk types, who crowd around each other and collectively scoff at the smoking laws by sneaking puffs of “fuck-you,” reveling in their perceived rebellion as the haggard, staggering staff look on without the slightest concern.
The “DJ” is keystroking a selection of MP3s off his MacBook, making a mix that sounds like he took a hatchet to a collection of yesteryear billboard hits, from DMX to Dolly Parton, but mashed up with a jittery techno backbeat.
“So… this is a hipster party?” I ask the girl sitting next to me. She’s wearing big dangling earrings, an American Apparel V-neck tee, non-prescription eyeglasses and an inappropriately warm wool coat.
“Yeah, just look around you, 99 percent of the people here are total hipsters!”
“Are you a hipster?”
“Fuck no,” she says, laughing back the last of her glass before she hops off to the dance floor.
Ever since the Allies bombed the Axis into submission, Western civilization has had a succession of counter-culture movements that have energetically challenged the status quo. Each successive decade of the post-war era has seen it smash social standards, riot and fight to revolutionize every aspect of music, art, government and civil society.
But after punk was plasticized and hip hop lost its impetus for social change, all of the formerly dominant streams of “counter-culture” have merged together. Now, one mutating, trans-Atlantic melting pot of styles, tastes and behavior has come to define the generally indefinable idea of the “Hipster.”
An artificial appropriation of different styles from different eras, the hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture lost in the superficiality of its past and unable to create any new meaning. Not only is it unsustainable, it is suicidal. While previous youth movements have challenged the dysfunction and decadence of their elders, today we have the “hipster” – a youth subculture that mirrors the doomed shallowness of mainstream society.

Take a stroll down the street in any major North American or European city and you’ll be sure to see a speckle of fashion-conscious twentysomethings hanging about and sporting a number of predictable stylistic trademarks: skinny jeans, cotton spandex leggings, fixed-gear bikes, vintage flannel, fake eyeglasses and a keffiyeh – initially sported by Jewish students and Western protesters to express solidarity with Palestinians, the keffiyeh has become a completely meaningless hipster cliché fashion accessory.
The American Apparel V-neck shirt, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Parliament cigarettes are symbols and icons of working or revolutionary classes that have been appropriated by hipsterdom and drained of meaning. Ten years ago, a man wearing a plain V-neck tee and drinking a Pabst would never be accused of being a trend-follower. But in 2008, such things have become shameless clichés of a class of individuals that seek to escape their own wealth and privilege by immersing themselves in the aesthetic of the working class.
This obsession with “street-cred” reaches its apex of absurdity as hipsters have recently and wholeheartedly adopted the fixed-gear bike as the only acceptable form of transportation – only to have brakes installed on a piece of machinery that is defined by its lack thereof.
Lovers of apathy and irony, hipsters are connected through a global network of blogs and shops that push forth a global vision of fashion-informed aesthetics. Loosely associated with some form of creative output, they attend art parties, take lo-fi pictures with analog cameras, ride their bikes to night clubs and sweat it up at nouveau disco-coke parties. The hipster tends to religiously blog about their daily exploits, usually while leafing through generation-defining magazines like Vice, Another Magazine and Wallpaper. This cursory and stylized lifestyle has made the hipster almost universally loathed.
“These hipster zombies… are the idols of the style pages, the darlings of viral marketers and the marks of predatory real-estate agents,” wrote Christian Lorentzen in a Time Out New York article entitled ‘Why the Hipster Must Die.’ “And they must be buried for cool to be reborn.”
With nothing to defend, uphold or even embrace, the idea of “hipsterdom” is left wide open for attack. And yet, it is this ironic lack of authenticity that has allowed hipsterdom to grow into a global phenomenon that is set to consume the very core of Western counterculture. Most critics make a point of attacking the hipster’s lack of individuality, but it is this stubborn obfuscation that distinguishes them from their predecessors, while allowing hipsterdom to easily blend in and mutate other social movements, sub-cultures and lifestyles.
Standing outside an art-party next to a neat row of locked-up fixed-gear bikes, I come across a couple girls who exemplify hipster homogeneity. I ask one of the girls if her being at an art party and wearing fake eyeglasses, leggings and a flannel shirt makes her a hipster.
“I’m not comfortable with that term,” she replies.
Her friend adds, with just a flicker of menace in her eyes, “Yeah, I don’t know, you shouldn’t use that word, it’s just…”
“No… it’s just, well… if you don’t know why then you just shouldn’t even use it.”
“Ok, so what are you girls doing tonight after this party?”
“Ummm… We’re going to the after-party.”
Gavin McInnes, one of the founders of Vice, who recently left the magazine, is considered to be one of hipsterdom’s primary architects. But, in contrast to the majority of concerned media-types, McInnes, whose “Dos and Don’ts” commentary defined the rules of hipster fashion for over a decade, is more critical of those doing the criticizing.
“I’ve always found that word [“hipster”] is used with such disdain, like it’s always used by chubby bloggers who aren’t getting laid anymore and are bored, and they’re just so mad at these young kids for going out and getting wasted and having fun and being fashionable,” he says. “I’m dubious of these hypotheses because they always smell of an agenda.”
Punks wear their tattered threads and studded leather jackets with honor, priding themselves on their innovative and cheap methods of self-expression and rebellion. B-boys and b-girls announce themselves to anyone within earshot with baggy gear and boomboxes. But it is rare, if not impossible, to find an individual who will proclaim themself a proud hipster. It’s an odd dance of self-identity – adamantly denying your existence while wearing clearly defined symbols that proclaims it.
“He’s 17 and he lives for the scene!” a girl whispers in my ear as I sneak a photo of a young kid dancing up against a wall in a dimly lit corner of the after-party. He’s got a flipped-out, do-it-yourself haircut, skin-tight jeans, leather jacket, a vintage punk tee and some popping high tops.
“Shoot me,” he demands, walking up, cigarette in mouth, striking a pose and exhaling. He hits a few different angles with a firmly unimpressed expression and then gets a bit giddy when I show him the results.
“Rad, thanks,” he says, re-focusing on the music and submerging himself back into the sweaty funk of the crowd where he resumes a jittery head bobble with a little bit of a twitch.
The dance floor at a hipster party looks like it should be surrounded by quotation marks. While punk, disco and hip hop all had immersive, intimate and energetic dance styles that liberated the dancer from his/her mental states – be it the head-spinning b-boy or violent thrashings of a live punk show – the hipster has more of a joke dance. A faux shrug shuffle that mocks the very idea of dancing or, at its best, illustrates a non-committal fear of expression typified in a weird twitch/ironic twist. The dancers are too self-aware to let themselves feel any form of liberation; they shuffle along, shrugging themselves into oblivion.

Perhaps the true motivation behind this deliberate nonchalance is an attempt to attract the attention of the ever-present party photographers, who swim through the crowd like neon sharks, flashing little blasts of phosphorescent ecstasy whenever they spot someone worth momentarily immortalizing.
Noticing a few flickers of light splash out from the club bathroom, I peep in only to find one such photographer taking part in an impromptu soft-core porno shoot. Two girls and a guy are taking off their clothes and striking poses for a set of grimy glamour shots. It’s all grins and smirks until another girl pokes her head inside and screeches, “You’re not some club kid in New York in the nineties. This shit is so hipster!” – which sparks a bit of a catfight, causing me to beat a hasty retreat.
In many ways, the lifestyle promoted by hipsterdom is highly ritualized. Many of the party-goers who are subject to the photoblogger’s snapshots no doubt crawl out of bed the next afternoon and immediately re-experience the previous night’s debauchery. Red-eyed and bleary, they sit hunched over their laptops, wading through a sea of similarity to find their own (momentarily) thrilling instant of perfected hipster-ness.
What they may or may not know is that “cool-hunters” will also be skulking the same sites, taking note of how they dress and what they consume. These marketers and party-promoters get paid to co-opt youth culture and then re-sell it back at a profit. In the end, hipsters are sold what they think they invent and are spoon-fed their pre-packaged cultural livelihood.
Hipsterdom is the first “counterculture” to be born under the advertising industry’s microscope, leaving it open to constant manipulation but also forcing its participants to continually shift their interests and affiliations. Less a subculture, the hipster is a consumer group – using their capital to purchase empty authenticity and rebellion. But the moment a trend, band, sound, style or feeling gains too much exposure, it is suddenly looked upon with disdain. Hipsters cannot afford to maintain any cultural loyalties or affiliations for fear they will lose relevance.
An amalgamation of its own history, the youth of the West are left with consuming cool rather that creating it. The cultural zeitgeists of the past have always been sparked by furious indignation and are reactionary movements. But the hipster’s self-involved and isolated maintenance does nothing to feed cultural evolution. Western civilization’s well has run dry. The only way to avoid hitting the colossus of societal failure that looms over the horizon is for the kids to abandon this vain existence and start over.
“If you don’t give a damn, we don’t give a fuck!” chants an emcee before his incitements are abruptly cut short when the power plug is pulled and the lights snapped on.
Dawn breaks and the last of the after-after-parties begin to spill into the streets. The hipsters are falling out, rubbing their eyes and scanning the surrounding landscape for the way back from which they came. Some hop on their fixed-gear bikes, some call for cabs, while a few of us hop a fence and cut through the industrial wasteland of a nearby condo development.
The half-built condos tower above us like foreboding monoliths of our yuppie futures. I take a look at one of the girls wearing a bright pink keffiyah and carrying a Polaroid camera and think, “If only we carried rocks instead of cameras, we’d look like revolutionaries.” But instead we ignore the weapons that lie at our feet – oblivious to our own impending demise.
We are a lost generation, desperately clinging to anything that feels real, but too afraid to become it ourselves. We are a defeated generation, resigned to the hypocrisy of those before us, who once sang songs of rebellion and now sell them back to us. We are the last generation, a culmination of all previous things, destroyed by the vapidity that surrounds us. The hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture so detached and disconnected that it has stopped giving birth to anything new. "

I could find a million ways to defend myself in any situation in which I am compared to or do anything the same as these kids who want to hide from their backgrounds. No point. I'm poor. They started selling us, we didn't buy them.
I am happy adbusters put this issue out, that expensive ass magazine isn't so useless after all.

oh, and let me conclude this by saying that I type out my disapproval from the lesbian coffee house down the street, while drinking my soy latte while unemployed. dude, I suck. But, I will still swear I'm different. Bet they do the same thing.

Friday, July 25, 2008

i met a man today from nigeria. he said that he woke up this morning and prayed to meet someone who would change his life. at the library he saw me sitting there in my polka dotted boots, and knew it was me. he wanted to marry me. "you are ther most beautiful woman i have ever met" he said. "you wear no makeup and sit there so calm"

he recited poetry. intense, political, and hurt.

what do you say when a stranger can read you so well, and speaks crazy that sounds more like truth.

he knew i was a liar. he knew i was odd. he knew.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Cupcakes and what not

I think I will pursue my dream of being a baker. In probably the most ineffective, non-conventional way possible. When I was younger, we went to the Great Harvest Bread Company probably once a week to buy the most fantastic bread I've ever tasted. I would tell my mom that when I was old enough to get a job, I would work there. Well, I didn't. Because I asked, and they started you out as a lowly dishwasher/prep person at 5:30 am, and well, that didn't mix with my high school career so well. And for months I've been talking about putting a baking portfolio together and have yet to do that either. I think instead that I am going to march my home baked goodness into the cakery and tell them that I'd like to work for them. I guess it's worth a shot. Better than what I'm doing now.

On that note I baked some cupcakes to bring to Ryan's parents 4th of July bbq/ b-day party for him. They were vanilla filled with jam (blood orange, cherry, raspberry jam to be exact) and topped with vanilla buttercream and blueberries. Problem: my buttercream always turns out like shit. It tastes good, don't get me wrong, but its never fluffy. I need a hand mixer I think. And I shouldn't try so hard to make things secretly healthier until I've perfected them in the gluttonous way.

So maybe the cakery will turn me down, but hell, there's always that anarchist bakery, and they'd love to have me there and then pay nothing in return. It sucks their bread is so freaking good.

And for a complete topic change. I noticed yesterday that people who thoroughly enjoy children probably love life a hell of a lot more than people like me. I like duck duck goose too, but wet overweight children with sassy attitudes are a turn off.

Monday, June 23, 2008

american kestrels

A regular customer of mine came in today. Marvel is an artist. Not like a person who draws a picture and calls them self an artist. She is the real dead. She crafts these beautiful pieces of pottery, some are mugs that look like something a Dali would drink his coffee out of, some are giant urns that represent the pain people face all over the world. She also uses windows like I do, so my opinion might be slightly bias because we use similar mediums from time to time. Today she rushed in and asked if we still had the flier us for wild bird rehabilitation. She needed their number. Since I volunteer there, I volunteered to help Marvel with whatever bird emergency she had. She said that she found a falcon. At wild bird we don't work with birds of prey, but I figured I knew enough general bird information to help. We went outside and sitting in her truck was the most handsome bird I've had the pleasure of meeting. It was very frightened but kept its composure and looked at us as curiously as we were viewing it. We decided that it was probably an American Kestrel. And a fine one at that. It was evident that the bird was a fledgling because most of its downy feathers were being replaced by new sleek adult feathers. Just a little fuzz remained on its underbelly. We took the kestrel out and set it in the grass in the shade of a half wall outside the church on Wyoming. Mom and dad were probably nearby. Instead of being able to wait around to see if the parents would feed its gaping mouth, I had to return to work. Twenty minutes later Marvel rushed in to announce that mom and dad had found their baby. I felt relief for the little kestrel.
I'm still reading Gene Logsdon's book The Contrary Farmer. He says a lot of things that I agree with, and is realistic about civilization's impact on our earth, but gives positive approaches to sustainability and the life of farmers. He is respectful of those who have farmed before him and cautious of the choices he and others are currently making. Other texts I intend to check out : "The Conquest of the Land through Seven Thousand Years" by W.C. Lowdermilk and "The Maple Sugar Book" by Scott and Helen Nearing.
I still want to work of my zine focusing on women and the influence of meat or lack thereof in their lives and its connection to feminist thought and the possibility of environmental actions. I am lacking motivation at this moment.
I also have until Wednesday to go back for my free Bikram yoga class. 105 degrees is pretty intense, so who knows if I will or not.
My plants are growing rapidly and hopefully I will have some blooms soon.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

It's not so fancy

I baked the cake. It's not so fancy. Actually, it's the opposite.

I want to leave work early. I have those intense menstrual pains that make you feel like a little critter crawled up and tied a string around your uterus for a joke, and is now tugging very forcefully on that string. what an asshole.
Plus I forgot my book. So I have no reading material for when my boss comes in and I pretend i don't know what a computer even looks like.
and it's fathers day, so I want to go visit my parents as soon as possible.
Oh, and did I mention that I like complaining?

Thursday, June 12, 2008


This woman came into my work. She lives down the street. She said she won't walk down Grand past the Ethiopian restaurant (Meskereem by the way, and it's amazing). I wanted to knock her teeth around. Isn't it scary walking down the stretch of a street that is predominately black and Hispanic and lacks quaint little shops. guess that means she doesn't go to the library either.

I'm going to bake my dad a fancy vegan pineapple upside down cake for father's day. It's his favorite. It is just so damn hot out that baking is very unappealing, which is a bummer since I have a vegan donut recipe I've been wanting to try. boo hoo.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

I'm a sloppy slop

I wanted to use this blog for transcribing recipes and posting pictures of the things I make. Instead I spend time complaining about the world. Well, I guess that's okay anyway because I am finally realizing that everything I make looks pretty damn sloppy.
The shadow sent me a link to a vegan blog website of sorts. It's really amazing. This woman not only has fantastic recipes and great pictures but it is very step by step, helping to cut out the confusion that can happen when using unfamiliar ingredients or just trying something new. So in comparison, I am a slob. Maybe someday I'll have constant Internet access and a digital camera. Until then I'll decide that chocolate chip cookies don't really need baking soda, and then eat the entire deflated batch myself (because for once, Scott wasn't touching them).

p.s. all of my latte art fern leaves have begun resembling mass deforestation.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

That selfish Ayn Rand

My co-worker is reading Any Rand. He is reading The Virtue of Selfishness. Now, I don't know too much about Ayn Rand. She is considered a major proponent of capitalism and throughout her various texts classifies the male sex as heroes, meant to be looked up to by women. She is also considered an intellectual, and honestly, anyone considered an intellectual automatically receives a bit of discredit in my book. It's just so haughty.
Ayn Rand is also described as a feminist and a radical thinker, but she blatantly states that homosexuality is immoral. Whatever Ayn.
The fact that my co-worker is reading The Virtue of Selfishness, did spark a conversation between us, similar to a few I've had in the past week(s).
I sometimes feel selfish. Like when I drive my car or buy packaged cookies or refuse to share something. And I guess I could be considered selfish because I want clean air and water and food. I want those things for myself, but ultimately I want those things for the Earth. My selfish desire for toxin free produce and unobstructed bike lanes throughout the city are nowhere near as bad as selfish desires, often self fulfilled, by most people in this culture. They selfishly scarf down burger kings and arbys without thinking of 1) the animal they are consuming 2) how eating that animal affects the earth 3) about the people working that shit wage job to serve them that slaughtered cow meat or the people working that even shittier paid job to make the cardboard box they put the burger in. They don't think about any of those things, and they probably do not see their fast food consumption as selfish. They buy their fast food then drive their big car home real fast to feed the kids before american idol starts. I'm sure selfishness is not at the forefront of their mind, but they are still moving through motions without consideration.They are still partaking in highly destructive behavior that does not benefit their bodies, their wallets, their brains, or most importantly the Earth. I understand that they are doing what they were taught repeatedly. There is a way to break out of that mindset.
We could consider everything we do selfish. Like eating a tomato. Even if we grew that tomato ourselves, we could still be really extreme and call it selfish because we ate to for ourselves with no other reason than because we were hungry. But that's absurd! There has to be a line drawn. What it really comes down to is if you're going to partake in selfish acts, you can deny them, exploit others, and remain in your own self centered world, OR you can be proactive about semi selfish acts, and at the heart of those acts remain mostly dedicated to wanting those things like healthy soil, not only for yourself but for the Earth and all the plants and animals, human and non alike.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Just talking about doom

Nothing new going on really. I am spending time at my parents house this weekend. I went shopping with my mother and sister. We got home and my mom talked about her plans for stockpiling food. I am growing tired of these same conversations. However, I am absolutely not willing to step down off my soapbox.

In other news I've been having terribly bizarre dreams that spell doom.
One dream that I had two nights ago was about me visiting my parents home to plant some vegetables in the garden. When I got there, most of the yard was beginning to be swallowed by a giant hole. It had no depth, and continued to swallow more and more of the yard. It devoured the patio and most of the garden.

Then tonight my mother told me of a story she saw on the news, of which I knew nothing about.

see how much our earth hates us stealing all of its insides? pretty weird though. I'm really not trying to claim to have dreams that are premonitions or any such nonsense, but it is weird that I have been steadily having dreams for the past 2 months that later become similar news stories.

enough mysticism for now.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Paper Cut

I paper cut my neck today on a corrugated cardboard box.

The Post Dispatch had a front page article about how SLU is required to install more women's restrooms with their growing number of female students. WOW! Important stuff there. I was so intrigued that I continued flipping through the paper. Low and Behold, the last page had a disturbing article about the 5 people in Somalia killed by their government during riots yesterday. They were hungrier than they already have been because of the actual food shortages there. I guess most of the people that came into my work today and complained that we didn't have the right bread didn't get past that engaging bathroom article.

I have to go purchase a few new "nice" looking clothing items for my cousin's bridal shower and all the other fancy pants engagements I might be invited to this summer. I tried on my dress clothes this morning and more than a few of them were falling off. I hate buying clothing. I would rather put that money to good use and buy a grain mill, which feels essential for some reason.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Pie PIE pie

I am so incredibly exhausted. And my busy days are just starting. Sometimes I want to completely abandon all of the issues I feel so passionate about. It just seems to get in the way at times. Compliance is never something that has come easily for me, nor have I ever believed it should be part of a person's identity. But some days I feel too tired to care.

I baked a pie. I was craving pie very badly. So I baked one last night. It's an apple pear pie. I want to get a recipe for a crust that is very thick and slightly flaky. The crust of a pie is always the best part. And it's the part that tells you if the cook knows what their doing or not. Anyone can toss some fruit into the center but you gotta have a good crust. So the mission begins.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sometimes optimism just sounds naive when for the sake of those around you.

I baked cupcakes last night. I am trying to work on a better presentation of my cooking/baking and an increase in the intensity of flavors. I also wish I had a camera to regularly upload photos of the things I make. I made lemon cupcakes and filled them with a chocolate mousse. I used a basic vegan vanilla cupcake recipe and added in about 3 Tbs. worth of fresh lemon juice and a Tbs. of lemon zest. The flavor still wasn't as lemony as i wanted, and somewhere in the process my first batch in the oven deflated a bit, maybe there was too much acidity. Who knows. I will try again and maybe by that time I'll have taken pictures to include with recipes.

The farm on the North Side (New Roots) apparently got their nucs. last weekend. I have yet to venture to the farm to check out their apiary, which is placed perfectly inside of the orchard. I really hope to figure out how to balance my time so I can contribute to the bee keeping as well.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

We won't be feeling it yet...

So I made things sound pretty cryptic when talking about food shortages. And yeah, things are pretty damn bad. But people don't see how terrible the Earth is being treated and their role in that destruction because it's easier not to notice. Most Americans will only brush the surface in feeling the rising food prices. The poor here and everywhere else in the world have been feeling the impact of food shortages and skyrocketing prices for years, but it will take a very long time for the middle and upper classes to ever feel the devastation down to their stomachs. We still have fast food chains, and a bread-co down that street and even though grain is getting more expensive you can still choose from 20 different bagels and a handful of pastries. I could walk into a starbucks today and order a grande latte and a scone or two to go with it. So, while the need to conserve and perhaps even stockpile is necessary, the chance of mass famine in the US is far off.
Scott asked me to go with him to Webster University tonight to hear a lecture about ecology. He was listening to NPR and head an interview with Satish Kumar (I think...) about humans impact on ecology. I am worried about going because I never go and listen to lectures on issues I'm passionate about because I'm always afraid I'll get ridiculously angry at the way the topics are discussed (or not discussed). Maybe getting angry isn't such a bad thing though, at least it would fire me up to be more vocal etc. However, I did look this guy up and it says that he is a follower of Mahatma Ghandi. And a believer in peace and ecology. I have a lot of problems with those that believe peace is the answer. We are very far past that point in the history of mankind. I am sure that this man does have some interesting things to say and I will probably gain new insight in one area or another because of this lecture.
I also worry about the fact that it's on a college campus. I am an ass when it comes to college kids. Here's the issue: would I rather have college students interested in ecology, vegetarianism, environmentalism, bikes whatever the list goes on and on, because it's a fad like "green" is right now and possibly have them contribute even if it is superficially until they burn out later and "remember the days in college when I was a real activist" OR would I rather not have them interested at all if they aren't honestly trying to save the earth and themselves. Whatever. most people are selfish anyway and there's no changing that.

Friday, May 2, 2008

2 in 1?!

Yeah two posts today. I had to deal with the cops first thing this morning. Sucks. I came in and I was so tired that instead of the code to turn off the alarm I typed in my debit card code. So then a high pitched screech echoed through the shop until the cops showed up about 30 minutes later. I could have already looted this place. too bad.

Stock Up

Scott and I went grocery shopping earlier this week. We needed produce, but honestly, I just wanted to stock up on extra flour. So I bought two five pound bags and stuck them in our freezer. I don't think that I can stress enough how important it is for people in our society to learn how to use their resources to make food for themselves and families. Most people do not know how to bake a loaf of bread. They buy packaged bread at the store, all filled with extra chemical nutrients and high fructose corn syrup. Or they toss some shit in a bread maker and let it do the work. Someday, that bread maker is going to shit out and you'll be left with nothing. We should also focus on food preservation. Drying, canning, pickling, all these methods of preserving food will save you money now and hunger later.
So I'm guilty of feeling that American panic, the need to stockpile. "A few extra cans of beans each time we go to the store couldn't hurt" Scott says. And I agree. But stockpiling isn't fixing the problem. Housewives going to the store and stocking up on bags of rice and two liters of pepsi doesn't mean they or you or anyone else is asking questions. I suppose that all questions asked are automatically diverted by those in power anyhow. Deny the problem, offer other sources of downfall, pass the blame, hush the people. It's not even about asking what to do next or who to blame (since humans as a whole are to blame, more specifically those who have money) but how we can make changes for ourselves and the way we live. When it comes to this food shortage we can first look at personal accountability. We should be asking questions of the problems causers but of ourselves as well. How can I reduce waste? How can i grow things on my garden? How can i preserve food?
And yeah, I'm stocking up a bit. But I can make jam and bread and dried foods. And I can do it without electric appliances. At the grocery store people see sales on pringles and 7-up and little debbie, so they stock up. They go home and drink poisoned water, watch a poisoned news station, and then poison their bodies with junk. That soda will run out, and the bugs will get to the snack cakes, and they will ask what to do. No president will have that answer.
I was having a conversation with my mom a few days ago and she was asking me what i thought about all of this. I think i really frightened my 15 year old sister, but I speak honestly, especially to them. I don't want to loose my family in all this mess. I was very adamant about how strongly I believe that vegetarianism could really help the state of our food supply. I know that we are past the point where any major change could save our Earth and its resources, but as individuals, if people switched to vegetarianism it would save waste, provide you with more nutrition for a stronger body, and put you in alliance with those who believe that land used to graze cattle for cow meat could be put to better use. You would also have an easier time with localization. I'm not saying converting to vegetarianism abstains you from questioning or doing anything else for this earth but it is a step. True vegetarianism and veganism forces people to become more aware of their bodies, and the land they take from, and forces them to become more self sufficient when it comes to food. Maybe mom and dad will convert, sister already has. who knows.

That's enough ranting for today. The beets and onions are sprouted. brussel sprouts are looking good, and hopefully this weekend the planting will commence.

Saturday, April 5, 2008


I received my copy of National Geographic in the mail a few days ago. It usually takes me a few days to read all of the articles but I had a bit of free time and breezed right through this issue. One Article really got me worked up. It wasn't the topic of the article or the research itself, it was the attitudes of other scientists interviewed within the story that really upset me.
An anthropologist named Jill Pruetz from Iowa State University has been doing a study on Fongoli Chimps in the savannas of Senegal. She has watched them over the course of at least four years and found that these Chimps are creating tools with which to basically hunt smaller mammals. Of course any study done on primates is an attempt to discover the roots of human evolution. So here is the part that angers me. Pruetz specifically noted that it was female Fongoli chimps that were using branches of trees and sharpening the ends with their teeth to hunt down smaller primates etc. inside of hollow trees. Now other scientists are discrediting Jill Pruetz's work. Richard Wrangham, a biological anthropologist is known for his "demonic male" theory, or the idea that man is naturally violent, is one of those downplaying Pruetz's findings.
Another male scientist, arguing against her work is Craig Stanford. He likes to use a theory called Ecological Intelligence, stating ""The first push toward a larger brain," writes Stanford, "may have been the result of a patchily distributed, high-quality diet and the cognitive mapping capabilities that accompanied it." High-quality to him means, meat. This is where I am angry. People have believed for a very long time now, that meat consumption leads to brain growth, meaning higher intelligence. However, if you trace time back to the 1700's and before, meat not only was rare to be eaten every day, but women were also kept from eating meat. Meat was for man. Once many indigenous cultures moved from their gathering phases, it is said that women still gathered while men hunted. Women during the Renaissance were thought to have a poor tolerance for meat, and given mostly vegetables and grains. So if meat was mostly given to men, then we assume that it was only man's brain that grew larger, and only man grew more intelligent. Leaving woman as a lame, small brained, vegetarian. This theory that meat is the food of intelligent thought is sexist. So I suppose that it is perfect that a MALE scientist trying to disprove a WOMAN scientist's work would decide to use such a theory as argument.
One more man, excuse me, scientist, who has insulted the years of research done by Pruetz is William Mcgrew. During last year's Mind of the Chimpanzee Conference, McGrew made reference to research done of Fongoli Chimps but did not give any credit to Pruetz, instead, crediting her former student, Paco Bertolani.
It is not perplexing that the science world is pretty sexist in their views. After all, science was created with a goal of getting closer to god. That guy in the air that made MAN in his image and woman a second class citizen.

That's it for today. You can find the article I was referring to on national geographic's website.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Bust ass Battery

Yesterday was a pretty great day up until train time.

I volunteered at wild bird rehab, like usual. There I spoke with 3 ladies at least 60 years old each, who are spunky, thoughtful, and incredibly informed. They was to bring down towers for cell phones and HD t.v. and they love gardening and hate oil. I love it. I love them.

I came home and wanted to bake bread, then realized that i needed flour to do that. Baking bread is a great skill to have. The price of grain just keeps going up. Plus, when I read the label on the package of bread, and can't pronounce half the ingredients then I know it's probably not something that I really want to put into my body. So, i walked to the store and bought two 5 lb bags of flour (which were unbleached and on sale) and then decided that it would be a fantastic idea to get an 18 lb bag of cat food as well. I looked like someones trunk carrying all that home on my back.

I baked some flax bread which did not turn out as tasty as I'd hoped. Maybe next time. I also tried making yogurt Tuesday night but it didn't set up quite right.

Then I walked in the park with Jake all the way from my house to kingshighway. it was good to hang out with him.

I had to rush home to pick Scott up from the train station. Chicago of course can't get their shit together so the train coming in was an hour late. And after nearly a half hour of sitting in my car listlessly listening to devo, the battery to my car died. I threw a fit. Even though I hate that car, or any car for that matter. We had to call 5 people to find someone with jumper cables and spare time. Then that battery still wouldn't start. So we got a ride home.

None of this has anything to do with my goals for writing but eh, what canSaved you do?

I also want to try making some kombucha.
yum huh?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Blah Blah Blah

I don't really get the point of blogging. I guess it's so that people can have a personal soapbox to drag their legs up on to and start shouting out to the world of Internet users.
My boyfriend started a blog a few months ago, but he's funny. So if you gain nothing of value from the things he writes, at least you'll get a good chuckle. So I guess I'm starting this partly as an outlet for some frustrations of mine, (although I refuse to be too detailed because what business is it of yours?) so that i don't bring those frustrations home and take them out on the people in my life. I choose to use this as a constructive place.

Ecofemitarianism. I will rant more about this later, but in the meantime I will set a goal of using this blog to share recipes, ethics, knowledge, and links to aid vegan, feminist, and environmentally thoughtful lifestyles.